The Dogs Are Training Me

This weekend I have been dog-sitting two of my favorite dogs for my brother and sister, and this is what I have learned:

• I need to be accompanied to the bathroom at all times.  Potty breaks, face washes, and mirror glances are no longer to be private events.
• If I am outside with the dogs, I am outside touching the dogs.  Sitting out in the sun is unacceptable unless A) I am petting the dogs or B) Their heads or paws are on my legs in an effort to acquire A).
• Dining should also not take place alone.  One dog must have a head in my lap while I make and eat anything.
• If I insist on working out, my workout area must be framed by the dogs laying down so I know my boundaries.  Kicking the dogs is unacceptable.
• I cannot blame the dogs for passing foul-smelling gas, because he who smelt it dealt it.
• It does not matter at what time I went to bed, it is imperative that I wake when the dogs do, whether it be 5 or 7 in the morning.
• Laying down to watch anything on TV is useless, unless I want to listen to a show while watching dogs try to lick my face.
• No matter how frustrated I get with the dogs, I can never hold anything against them because they are too stinkin’ cute.